Life & Health

10 Easy Steps To Becoming a Hater in Costa Rica

Esta publicación también está disponible en: Español

The rise of Internet communication, the advent of online social networking and globalization have given us a new breed of irrational beings: Haters.

This sociological phenomenon is quickly spreading throughout Costa Rica, and it belies the country’s top ranking on indices of world happiness and life satisfaction. Hater behavior is mostly observed in sports commentary, although it transcends to just about all topics of discussion.

The proliferation of haters in Costa Rica has been so prodigious that many people believe it is becoming fashionable and it deserves further scrutiny. Suany Mendez, a Tico blogger who writes his views and opinions on “Transcribiendo el Tiempo” (Transcribing Time), recently published a manual for would-be haters in Costa Rica.

How to be a Hater in Costa Rica

  1. Don’t call yourself hater. It is better if you label yourself a pragmatist or explain that you are someone who exercises his or her right to free expression
  2. You need to be in the right mood to be a hater in Costa Rica. If you are a woman, place one of your breasts in a drawer and close it violently. If you are a man, grab the external pouch that contains your testes and do the same.
  3. When it comes to choosing your arguments, defend the indefensible and attack the sacred.
  4. Ad hominem attacks (personal put-downs) are preferred. For example, feel free to say that President Laura Chinchilla is incompetent, particularly if your knowledge of politics in Costa Rica comes from watching Intrusos on Repretel channel 11. If you are a mediocre football player who gets tired after playing 15 minutes of an indoor football match with friends, you can provide your expert opinion on Alvaro Saborio.
  5. In fact, it’s better that you don’t practice any sports if you want to be hater. Physical activity has been proven to increase happiness and well-being, which are traits unbecoming a hater. Instead, be sedentary and eat a lot of junk food; that will put you in a right mood to be a hater in Costa Rica.
  6. Be proud of being a hater. Boast about it during social events.
  7. Stay busy in online social networks. Follow fellow haters on Facebook and only reply to them on Twitter. Write comments filled with vitriol and misinformation. You should not, however, use your real name. Choose a witty nickname or online handle. If other haters admire your work, it’s time to publish a blog.
  8. Support your arguments with unreasonable comparisons. For example, compare the National Football Team of Costa Rica with Brazil and the Netherlands. Compare our national economy with that of Norway or Japan and say: “We suck.” If you are an expat from the United States, Canada or any other member nation of the G-20, remember to criticize Costa Rica using your country as a comparison. As a Tico hater, you should only point out the flaws of other nations; for example, talk about the NSA-Snowden affair but completely ignore the important contributions of the U.S. to culture, medicine, technology, sports, international development, economics, etc.
  9. You know everything. You need to constantly remind yourself of this.
  10. Criticize all those who claim to know about what makes you a hater. Criticizing this article is a good start.